讲真的我很讨厌这个英语老师。
都大二了。一堆课。作业还这么多。天天签到。还记入上课考勤。
这还是大学吗。
不过写都写了。
diary1
In my life, there is one thing that always totures me but I can't evade: comparison. As the saying goes:"Comparison is the thief of joy." Once comparing to someone, then the happiness will be lost.
But it seems incredibly hard to avoid it, especially for me.
It haunts me like a nightmire when the exam results come out, when I walk down the street and notice how attractive others look, or even at the table when observing who eat less to stay fit!
All the time,I keep telling myself: "Stop comparing."But as time goes on,I gradually realize it's an impossible task.
After all, EVERYTHING we do is all derived from comparison to some extent.And the word "than" carries too much in our lives. When shopping,It's natural to say,"This one is better than the other."When dining, we tend to choose what is more delicious than ohter options (unless we are on a diet).The examples are endless.
Looking at the bigger picture, in ancient times, we humans evolved simply because we are not content with current conditions, striving to survive in a better way. Nowadays, we acquire knowledge to work, and we work to earn whether money or spiritual enrichment, ultimately seeking a better life than our past selves or others.
Why should we avoid the unavoidable? Obviously,It's irrational.
So,Here is my temporary answer to the lifetime issue: Facing it frankly is much better than evading it hastely. No matter how unfair or out of reach things may seem, just say "Ok" or "Well" , and take a moment to reflect. If necessary, turn that comparsion into motivation, even if it is hard. Nobody said dreams and goals must be realized.
When you stand higher, you see further. Changing our mindset may be a way out. To conclude, I would like to quote a poem in China as an end,"However strong he may be, he is but a breeze that cannot move the hills; however fierce he may be, he is but the moonlight that cannot disturb the great river."
Diary2
Since I was young, I was taught to establish correct materialism belief.
The subtle and interesting thing is, as I grew older, I found that's not always the case: Every year, we Chinese goes to the ancestor's cemetery, burn the toss paper, and pray in heart, mourning the past loves and anticipating the future; Also strangely enough, we believe there are no god or ghost as we watch the horror movie.But when we visit a temple, we burn the incense, as if our long-held belief collapse.
However, in my view, it's rather to say we have trend to be optional, or be hopeful, in this case than to say we disobey our belief. Essentially, when we seem to believe the so-called unmaterialed things, we are actually seeking for spiritual support and comfort. For instance, suppose there is a wicked man around us, and we curse in mind, "The God will punish him." Even if we know that it's impossible, through this, we may feel better. And vice versa, When we are in a situation that can't be worse, we tell our selves, "God bless." Though it acutually doesn't work physically.
On the other hand, this kind of "beliefs" sometimes really prove effective. The wicked get their payback, the suffering find their way out, and the wishes take its effect. This make sense to some extent. Though those who did a lot bad things but escaped are endless in this world, the more vice they commit, the higher their caught rate will be.Similarly, When we hold a wish, we ususally have the impetus. And through this, we can meet our goals more easily.
From this perspective, this kind of belief seems not that bad. Cherish hope and forge ahead. Just like the saying goes, "Wait and Hope!".
diary3
For a long time, I have been a tech enthusiast. Even if I don't intend to buy an extra iPad or anything else, I always stay updated on the latest information about them.
Recently, when I browse apps like Bilibili or Little Red Book, I have found an interesting phenomenon: When users make recommendations, they inevitably mix in their personal preferences.
Honestly, it's impossible to isolate all personal factors in this situation, because everyone has their specific needs and situations. However, for other people, exactly because of this, When recommending something online, it would be better to remain objective, or rather, avoid speaking in absolutes.
For instance, imagine a situation: a guy named Tom wants to buy an iPad. However, he can't decide what size is best for him. Then he notices a post by Alice that says:"a 13-inch iPad is a must-buy!" And Tom takes the advice. However, when the package arrives, he regrets it: "Why is this iPad so huge?" For Alice, it's perfect for her to take notes and watch movies on such a big screen. But for Tom, who intends to use the iPad to play video games, this iPad is a torment.
From the example, we may know what the true issue is: Too many times, when we recommend something, we tend to ignore other's needs; And when we choose something, we tend to ignore our own.
Obviously, we can not control others' comments. Even if this line is a bit overused, we can start from ourselves, not just about digital devices. When we try to buy something, think about how we use it and why we need it. Listen to others' advice wisely, but don't be easily swayed. And this may be the best way to choose.
Diary4
It's not the first time I suddenly had a feeling that I probably won't see the sixth book of the series A Song of Ice and Fire. The author George R.R. Martin is getting older and older. And it seems that his inspiration has drained since 2011, when the fifth book of the series was released.
On the Chinese internet, there is a funny slang title for those unfinished works: eunuch. It reflects that the significance of a story's completeness. However, after the long wait for some excellent works, with my mood changing from hopeful to grim, my mindset may have shifted to some extent。
Sometimes, the so-called "end" doesn't even matter. The best explanation for this is the imagination for the unwritten parts and the essence of the written.
A very famous example is A Dream of Red Mansions, which is missing the last 40 chapters but has influenced the world's literature significantly. No matter how Lin Daiyu died, how the Jia Clan was ruined, the spiritual core and the display of fantastic culture will endure forever.
And it's the same for A Song of Ice and Fire. Will Jon Snow revive? What will become of the Starks? Who will sweep the world and be crowned? These matter to all the eager readers. But these don't matter in a broader sense.
One of my favorite quotes is "The North remembers." Throughout the books, many vivid characters have made a lasting impression on me. It's a pity that we may never see an end of this glorious story, yet the radiance of the characters and the wisdom of the stories will forever remain in the hearts of us readers.
Diary5
About one year ago, I received some feedback from an American player about a game made by my own. And the general gist was that he appreciated the game very much, but the AI-generated images disgusted him.
I was actually kind of confused and scornful about it. It's hard for me to draw all the art assets in the game, and if I pay someone to do it, the cost may be an unacceptable deal. "Only idiots don't use AI. Don't be too strict!" I thought.
However, my current opinion about AI is totally opposite. In under a year, the AI has forged ahead into many fields. Its march into software can't be avoided. And this is the first time I have thought about the meaning of AI.
Nowadays, although you may not realize it, AI is eroding every corner of the world, in the name of helping the humanity. And computer science is just an early victim. As time goes by, many things we thought AI couldn't do have become easy for them. Five years ago, AI couldn't even generate a low-quality picture. And nowadays, it can generate a sophisticated video within a minute. Similar situations are not just happening in the art field.
I'm not hyping up AI. With the development of AI, it's easy and convenient for users to do many things out of their known fields. For me, it may be mainly about AI images.
But a question keeps hovering in my heart: Does AI really benefit us on a higher level? When I finally reviewed my AI generated images, I suddenly realized why that player hated the AI images so much.
To be honest, the AI images can be so vivid that you nearly can't tell the difference. However, just because of its core operational principle, all the content of it is out of the human-trained probability dataset. Well trained and used AI can draw perfect images. Yet too many of us are laymen, what we generate is highly homogeneous and low quality.
To some extent, we are establishing an environment where we dump cyber rubbish, and where true innovation is hidden。
And this is the same for the software field. Nowadays, a simple prompt to Claude or ChatGPT can immediately generate a software project. This once made me anxious. However, without a good idea, many of them are actually junk. For example, you can generate an English word memo website easily, but there are already too many word memo apps or websites in the world! Do we really need it? Without innovation, speed and convenience are nothing.
To my sadness, nowadays too many people are overhyping the ability of AI. The job market is getting worse and worse because of it. And I believe as AI grows, the coding ability or even abilities in other fields will definitely beat almost every human.
However, an idea is more powerful than an irrational "Do it" or "Generate it." The use of AI is an irresistible trend; anyone who doesn't use it will be outdated. But when we use it, we had better not throw away our brains. We must use our hearts.
diary6
When I was in senior high school, I often questioned the essays we studied in Chinese class. The one I found most unbearable was the classic fable Yu Gong Moves a Mountain.
The story goes that an old man named Yu Gong, frustrated by how steep the two mountains were for his family to climb every day, decided to remove the mountains with his own hands.
I was extremely scornful of this story back then. The character Zhi Sou spoke exactly what was on my mind: “Yu Gong, you are a total idiot!” Resolute as he was, his entire plan was fundamentally irrational. Not to mention the willingness of his family and descendants, the sheer scale of the mountains alone could daunt even the most ambitious man in an instant. If it hadn’t been for divine intervention, the mountains would never have been removed, even after millions of years. What’s more, if his ultimate goal was to make daily life more convenient, why didn’t he just move his whole family to a more accessible area? It would have been far easier and faster.
Back then, no one gave me a satisfactory answer. Some gentle teachers would tell me it was just a fable meant to teach a moral lesson, while some blunter teachers and classmates thought I was just splitting hairs.
As time went by, I finally found the answer I’d been looking for.
At the end of the day, this fable simply reflects the aspirations of ancient people. Objectively speaking, Yu Gong’s plan was far from practical. But why did so many people stand by him? Perhaps it was because if the mountains were gone, all the nearby villagers would benefit, and they had been suffering from this inconvenience for generations. Even when a task seems utterly impossible, someone has to step up and take action.
From this perspective, there are countless “Yu Gongs” in our modern world. Many things we once deemed impossible came into being, despite the scorn of numerous “Zhi Sous”. Trains, automobiles, airplanes, computers, smartphones, artificial intelligence — to name just a few. Their creators fought to make the world more convenient, no matter how insurmountable the challenges seemed.
From another angle, what was once called “divine power” has now become reality. Moving mountains is no longer a fantasy, and the gap between these two eras is merely a few thousand years.
In a way, we are all the modern descendants of Yu Gong. After all, when we build railways today, why do we choose to tunnel through mountains instead of simply rerouting? Hahaha.
diary7
Ever since I was in junior high school, I have been told time and again that we students would finally be free and relaxed once we entered university.
Yet now that I have truly stepped into this so-called "free" stage, I have come to realize that this could not be further from the truth: once you hold the ambition, or the drive to become a better version of yourself, your GPA, the pursuit of a master's degree, or the preparation for the civil service exam will keep occupying your time nonstop.
This makes me wonder from time to time: what exactly are we pursuing? When can we truly feel relaxed and at ease?
These days, our entire society seems to be trapped in a bizarre cycle: parents push their children to excel from an extremely young age, more often than not ignoring their kids' true hobbies. Students, in turn, are crushed under pressure from their peers, schools and parents. I still remember that when I was in primary school, there were not nearly as many tutoring institutions as there are today. Yet now, even under the so-called "double reduction" policy, the total number of these institutions has risen instead of falling.
To a certain extent, I believe this phenomenon is fueled in part by the anxiety stoked by society at large, amplified endlessly by the internet. Whether you are a parent, a student, or even a working adult already in the workforce, you will face overwhelming pressure from seemingly "every corner of the world" if you fail to live up to the standard society sets for you.
So why does the external environment oppress us so relentlessly? From my perspective, the root cause lies in the void in our worn-down hearts. To fill this void, we mindlessly follow the beaten path, which only ends up widening the void further. For example, we feel anxious about the future, and we all know a high GPA is beneficial, so we pour all our time into it. Yet this can hardly be called a passion; in other words, it is not what you truly want to do. So when you look back, you can't help but ask again: "What am I doing all this for?" We are just like Sisyphus, pushing the boulder of life uphill with no clear purpose in mind.
I am by no means advocating for defying social rules and traditions. On the contrary, social trends are often rational and instructive. But as you follow these trends, you should never stop asking yourself what truly brings you joy. Your personal pursuit is by no means the opposite of social expectations — the two can absolutely coexist.
Going back to the question I raised earlier, it is obvious that, as a tiny grain of sand in this vast society, I cannot offer a one-size-fits-all solution for everyone. But for me, the answer is to find the meaningful things you truly want to do, whether it's something as simple as picking a movie to watch or a game to play, or something more challenging and long-term.
Even if we are all Sisyphus, we deserve to stop and watch the sunset as we push the boulder uphill.
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